I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
