You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Who died my cat blue again?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
