I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
