The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
