I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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