I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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