I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
