Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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