I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize