dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
