After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
