the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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