My balls are so social today.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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