They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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