He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
