Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
