just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
