To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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