I hate your face
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
