theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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