I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize