shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
