I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
