your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
