I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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