Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
COCAINE IS GR8
how drunk are you?
Several
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
