I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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