Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Say something about gay babies.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
