I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Randomize