I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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