I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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