I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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