All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
