Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
