Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
