You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just had sex bonerless
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
