shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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