So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
