3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
