Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
