im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
