my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize