Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
