after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
