No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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