Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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