The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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