You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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