He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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