wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
