I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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