I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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