i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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