ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
