can u get pink eye on your cock?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
