i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
