Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
