I looked at my own cervix.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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