I heard we made out
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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