She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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