My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
