The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
