I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
