I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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