So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
