mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
