Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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