my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
