Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
