when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
