Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
